I believe that shame may be one of the most debilitating emotions. Its toxicity arises from the fact that those who feel it strongest may deserve it least. The worst individuals may not feel it all. Feeling shame after committing a dishonorable act is a good thing; it is a lesson from your conscious. Feeling shame for some perceived shortfall of achievement is less so.
Two Types of Shame
First Order Shame
First order shame arises when you feel bad for some perceived shortcoming. The young man without a girlfriend may feel this. His shame arises because he feels that he has failed in some important endeavor. It relates to a deficit between some desired state of being and actuality. It mostly relates to a personal assessment about personal actions or status.
Second Order Shame
Second order shame arises when although satisfied with their current status (or action), they realize that others will think less of them for it. An example would be the man who chooses not to have a girlfriend but realizes that many will think less of him for it (e.g., gay? Nerd?). In some ways this is worse than the first order type because it turns what should be a satisfactory situation into a cause for stress. Other examples could include unemployment: where the individual feels no shame for their lack of job, but realizes that others may look down on him or assume laziness of fecklessness.
And . . .
I am afraid there is no real point to this, no grand strategy. These are just my musings on a late Saturday afternoon. You may be glad to know that I feel no shame for that.