Milk and Wine Revisited


I wrote a while ago about the maxim that women age like milk, while men age like wine. Men tend to embrace it, while women tend to reject it.

Men like the idea because it seems to point to a rise in their power in the dating market. Women tend to dislike it because it points to a decline in their power in the dating market. However, I am not so sure either are correct.

If power is getting what you want, then I am not so sure a massive change of power happens. Even as they get older, men remain enthralled by female sexuality. Their newfound status may help then with older women but has less effect on the younger hotter women. Women, on the other hand are not so much settling for the older gent, but actively choosing them. In many cases, it is not that an attractive thirty-something women fails to attract the young jock, it is that her needs have changed. She no longer is choosing “lovers” she is looking for a “provider.” This is not “settling” as it often reflects a change in her preference.

Men can gloat about their relatively longer shelf life, but would be unwise to think they have gained massive power in the sexual market. They will most likely end up settling for an older woman (given that they probably retain some preference for younger/hotter) while she is probably getting just what she wants.

In any case, as I said in the original post, any small gain in success in his thirties does not make up for the lack of it (when he really cares about it) in his late teens or early twenties. He may find the joy of any success in his later years blunted by the memory of his failures in the years when he really cared about it.

So instead of attempting to deny the basic truth of the milk/wine analogy women should just shrug, realizing that it makes less difference to them than men assume. Women still get what they want, it is just that fewer men lose out totally.


I think 30 as the age a women hits “the wall” is far to low an estimate. Most women (assuming they were attractive to begin) can remain sexually alluring into late thirties or even early forties. They may not be quite as hot as their younger self but can remain competitive with younger women (especially if they stay in shape).

Health and happiness for a man is high success with women while he is young. Far better to be a youthful Lothario sitting back in his early thirties then to be a thirty-something dork who finds thirty-something women suddenly expressing some interest. If he can’t achieve success, health and happiness is a fifty-something sex drive in his twenty-something body.

No matter how he achieves it, health and happiness for a man is breaking the grip that female sexuality has over him. If he can’t do game, he can always try lithium salts :/.


4 Responses to “Milk and Wine Revisited”

  1. Gorbachev Says:

    I see the point.

    But there are times when great success in your 30’s can radically alter your perception of yourself generated in your 20’s.
    [DU: True. Success, in whatever field, is good for a man whenever it occurs. As you said, it could even alter his self-perceptions. It would still be better to be successful when younger as well. That said, early success followed by results that are more mediocre could be worse. I suggest that happiness for a man is: from 16 to 20, a Don Juan (many partners, early loss of virginity, etc.); from 20 to 25, a minor player who trades quality for quantity; 25 and older, serial monogamy or marriage with high quality partners who are an enjoyable distraction to his main goals and interests (although raising a family could be on of those goals).

    Following from your point, success at any time, in anything, is good for a man.]

  2. sdaedalus Says:

    I don’t think it’s easy for anyone, really. We all tend to think that other groups of people have an easier time of it. It doesn’t always work that way. All we can do is try to make the best of whatever life has given us.
    [DU: If you mean that men tend to assume that women have it easier in the dating market than they really do (while women tend to think men are the ones that have it easy), then I agree. In all things (not just dating), it is never quite as easy for others as we assume.]

  3. Linkage is Good for You: Lazy Edition Says:

    […] Default User – “Milk and Wine Revisited” […]

  4. VI Says:

    For me, 35 is the wall for the average woman, 25 is when they hit peak suitability for marriage, and 20 is peak suitability for sex.

    Us men know we age better than women. A marriage minded man will go into a marriage fully expecting his partner’s looks to degrade faster than his. We understand it’s hard for a woman to think about the decline of her looks, but it is something a man has a much easier time accepting if he wants marriage.
    [DU: I agree on the 25 for marriage, especially if you want a family. I do believe in love, so that any decline in a wife’s youthful attractiveness, if not quite unnoticed, will at least be less to painful to the man. He may notice younger more attractive females, but the bonding of love will prevent him feeling a great loss.

    Of course, the twenty-year old peak for a woman’s sex appeal is part of the great pain for the average twenty-year old man; he is near the trough of his sex appeal.]

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