In the Style of: Roissy

by
A series (perhaps) where I try to write a post in the style of other bloggers. Today is Roissy/Renegade

In the Style of Roissy

Sometimes I must suffer for my art, so in my never ending quest for fresher tighter pussy I ended up at one of DC’s many SWPL infested bars. The place was full of the typical manjawed, soul-sucking succubi that lesbo-feminism has foisted on us. The men were the usual collection of boring corporate beta and skinny, dorky hipsters. At least I would have little competition for the two worthwhile chicks that I could spot. I was just about to run the Apocalypse Opener on a the hotter of them when I spotted a more worthwhile target.

She radiated femininity she was probably the only female here that had more estrogen than the beta dorks who surrounded her like lost puppies. Our eyes met and I held her look. She soon gave in to my alpha gaze, casting her eyes down. I slowly made my way over casually glancing around at the other chicks.

She was even hotter than I expected. Her hair was golden blonde. Her body was young and firm. Her butt was perfect. Her thick full lips wore a gossamer smile. She did not have the hard and desperate look of the surrounding herd. She had an aura of innocence. An innocence that I would relish taking. She was probably foreign.

“Polish?” I asked without preamble. “How did you guess?” she replied, obviously impressed with my alpha stance and unapologetic introduction. “Oh, That’s not important” I answered mysteriously. I could see she was interested. Like champagne, her eyes sparkled with intoxicating promise. She soon forgot the herbs she was with. I separated her from the group and ran The Cube on her. She was leaning in, touching me, and showing strong signs of interest. I went for a kiss. Her lips were soft and sweet. After a moment, I pushed her away. “Slow down” I told her. I farted, and without a word, left for the bathroom.

When I returned I grabbed her hand and told her “I am hungry. Let’s go.” That night it was not polish sausage that she feasted on. However, she was well fed. When we finished our sweaty union I got up to leave. “Will I see you again?” she asked. “Probably.” I told her. She was sweet and innocent, so I probably would call her again but for now I was done.

After that sweet love making I needed some jackhammer pounding. I figured I had just enough time to make it back to the bar to run The Apocalypse Opener on that first chick.

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17 Responses to “In the Style of: Roissy”

  1. Ulysses Says:

    After a moment, I pushed her away. “Slow down” I told her. I farted, and without a word, left for the bathroom.

    Goddamn, Default User. That’s talent. Those lines gave me a hearty belly laugh. Well done.

  2. Default User Says:

    @Ulysses
    Thanks.

    For a while it looked like nobody was reading this post.
    [Some have as of this morning (according to the stats) but it still seems less popular.]

  3. sdaedalus Says:

    Not bad at all.

    I see you’ve spotted and included Roissy’s subtle doggy references (I’ve always wondered whether or not these were a lost puppy’s cry for help or simply a subliminal message for female readers as to his preferred sexual position).

    When I saw “polish” I actually thought it was a verb rather than a noun (polish my what, she wondered?) but on reading on all made sense. I should have known that the look of innocence would exclude any Anglosphere woman.

    I think you might need to rework the penultimate paragraph to be a bit more explicit though. It’s not like Roissy to err on the side of too little information. At the very least the words “meaty member” should have been included.

    Apologies if they were included elsewhere, and I missed them.

    But, overall, frighteningly convincing.

  4. Word Around the Campfire – the Moveable Feast edition « Hidden Leaves Says:

    […] Default User: Random Thoughts on: Alpha Males (again) and In the Style of: Roissy […]

  5. Gorbachev Says:

    SD’s right on the Meaty Member.

    Required for Roissy membership.

  6. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus, Gorbachev
    “meaty member”

    You are both correct. I should have used that phrase or the even better “throbbing meaty member” or “magnificent meaty member.”

  7. sdaedalus Says:

    Yes. But even so, you need more adjectives generally. And more vicious ones. This in particular is also Roissy-lite:-

    “manjawed, soul-sucking succubi that lesbo-feminism has foisted on us”

    You’ve got the jaded tone right (probably not that difficult for you) but you need to show how much you hate and blame women for being jaded.

    Basically it has the bones of a good Roissy parody but you need to put a few more layers of slap on it.

  8. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus
    I was not happy with the post but wanted to file it, rather than spend more time editing. I realize it was not very good but I just wanted something light, not an attempt at penetrating (ha!) analysis of Roissy.

    But yes, I am aware that I missed that style by a good distance.

    PS (to all readers)
    Over the weekend, I saw a series of connected blogs (I will not link them), and noticed some comments on Roissy and elsewhere, that appeared to mock what we might call the PUAsphere. Mocking is not what I wanted to do. I was not trying for a snarky takedown of Roissy or others; I was just having a bit of fun with a blogger whose style is well known. Snark is an abused form of trying to look clever. It was not what I wanted, and I hope you and others understand that.

  9. sdaedalus Says:

    I think I may have misled with my comment above. To clarify for you and anyone else reading, “parody” was not really the word I would have used if I had thought about it properly.

    An affectionate tribute (no homo!) would have been a better way to describe what you wrote.

    I don’t necessarily think you missed the style by a good distance at all. I was surprised how similar it was, particularly as Citizen Renegade has been watered down a lot lately.

    I think your piece probably had more humor and less viciousness than the original Roissy writings (it’s very similar to the current ones), although you did get across that sense of somewhat world-weary detachment eerily well.

  10. sdaedalus Says:

    Btw if I seem to criticise, it is only because whatever work of yours I am discussing is good enough for me to be interested in it. Like your Roissy piece, any criticism on my part is intended as a compliment rather than otherwise.

  11. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus
    I did not take your criticism badly. I just wanted to be clear that I was not going for a perfect copy. I have no problem with the phrase “parody.” A parody can be done with good humor, and that was my intent.

    Your criticisms were fair and on point.

    I suppose this, and any subsequent in-the-style-of posts, will always reflect my style as much as the target’s. I may have been a bit too gentle for Roissy at his sharpest but might be closer to Renegade/Chateau.

    Overall, I feel that while it might be recognizable it is not quite close enough to be a great parody. Given that a lighthearted weekend post was my aim, I consider myself happy enough with it.

    Again, thanks for your comments. I appreciated and did not take them badly.

  12. sdaedalus Says:

    No problem, Default. I greatly enjoyed reading it. It is really good to see you posting more.

  13. Linkage is Good for You: Backlog Edition (NSFW) Says:

    […] User – “Random Thoughts on: Alpha Males (Again)“, “In the Style of Roissy“, “Random Thoughts on: Gay […]

  14. Jonathan Says:

    The one glaring incongruency: Roissy writes in longer sentences than that.

  15. Default User Says:

    @Jonathan

    The one glaring incongruency: Roissy writes in longer sentences than that.

    I agree.

    Or, perhaps I should write: “I am willing to accede your point about the relative lexical structure of our respective writings and will happily admit that his writing may have a greater aesthetic appeal and a more poetic flow.

  16. gunslingergregi Says:

    lol default roissy doesn’t use apocolypse he he he

  17. Default User Says:

    @gunslingergregi
    Poetic license and exaggeration (Roissy might even approve).

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