This Means War

I have a plan. It is amazing the things that can start with those few words. Well, I do have a plan, it is the blogging equivalent of “Hold ma beer and watch this.”

The Lines are Drawn

It all began when Sibling of Daedalus mentioned that link on her site reffering to me had received 45 clicks. She exclaimed that I still have a following. Now, I am lucky to receive 45 visits in a day and have never received 45 clicks on any link on my blog.

It was then that the awful truth hit me: I do not have “a following.” I have five followers on Twitter. As I follow 28 that gives me a beta rating (following/followers) of 5.6. As a comparison, citizenrenegade has a beta rating of 0.04 and Fbardumu has a beta rating of .65. Even Sibby (a mere chick) has a beta rating of 1.27.

It was desperate times indeed. My pathetic attempt to surf the zeitgeist did achieve a modest increase in hits, but I realized that it was time to try something new. Desperate times need desperate measures.

Aha! The Plans are Formed

It was Ferdi himself that created my aha! moment. In a recent post he mentioned a lowly blogger that was making an ass of himself. Said lowly blogger insulted Ferdi, requiring a response. No doubt, the publicity drove up this lowly blogger’s hit count. It was then that it hit me. I needed hits, I needed a blog war.

In a real war, resources limit the number of fronts you can fight on. My (in my opinion, absolutely brilliant) realization is that in a cyber war you can fight on any number of fronts. Insults are pretty much unlimited. Even if you do run out, you can always use the same one on multiple fronts. Indeed, you do not even need to defend against their retaliation because their retaliation (blog hits) was exactly your goal.

The Opening Salvo

Ferdi, you are a homophobic faggot, a misogynist, misanthropic throwback. Roissy, you are a pasty faced, nerd-boy, douchebag, a player and a dweeb. Dave, the Hawaiian librarian, you are a conspiracy nut that should get out of your hypergamous wife’s basement (if she will allow you). Steve Sailer, the fact that you are “the only Republican that can use a spreadsheet” just proves what a crummy little nerd you are. Get away from the spreadsheet (likely created by Indian programmers) and learn some Spanish. Whiskey, perhaps if you imbibed less of your namesake drink you might make sense. For Christ sake, just buy that Harley, get the tats, and leave us in peace. One STDv, one good lay will probably put you right. Dana, you are female, Jewish, and INTJ, do I need to say any more? Chuck, stop your blogging nonsense and bring me my meal waiter boy. Φ, you say: “If what I write doesn’t describe you, then I’m not talking about you.” That’s OK because I doubt anybody cares. And, for God’s sake, get a proper name. I mean “Φ,” do you think you are Prince?

Sibling of Daedalus, BrightStormyDay, Bhetti, (the so modest) LovelySexyBeauty, and Hope, you are chicks, who cares what you think. What a waste of rack space. At least Aoefe and Anoukange sometimes display pictures of their actual rack. You should learn from them.

Chic Noir, you are sweet enough to be spared my wrath. Don’t let it go to your head. To anyone else that was not mentioned, don’t think it is because I consider you unworthy of contempt. It is just that I do not consider you at all. I may include you in future attacks when the blog hits from this one fall off.

Have a rotten weekend you miserable pack of losers.

In case you did not figure it out, this is just for fun. Blog hits are nice, but blog wars are a pain in the ass. I actually hope you all have a great weekend. If you were not mentioned it was only because I only had so much room, and so many “insults.”

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