Nerd Girls

by

It is axiomatic in the PUAsphere that girls can get laid or find a mate easily. Like much PUA dogma there is a strong element of truth to it, but it is not the whole story.

You see there is a counterpart to the nerd guy, and that is the nerd girl. She suffers some of the same social difficulties that the male type suffers. This post is a shout out to those nerd girls.

While it is true that a woman can more easily find a man, she has to make herself available. That means she has to present herself in places and a in a manner that men will notice, and in a way that will encourage them to approach. If a man needs to project dominance and confidence, then a woman needs to project approachability, warmth, and sensuality.

The more introverted or cerebral woman has the same difficulty projecting those qualities that the introverted man has projecting confidence and dominance. She may be friendly and approachable, but her reserved manner may hide that. She may not be as comfortable projecting her sensuality the way her more extraverted sisters might. She may find it difficult to move with the flow of seduction, just like the male nerd. The approaching man needs something to work with; her reserved manner may signal disinterest or make it more difficult for the man to get a conversational hook.

I do not believe that introversion and a cerebral manner are as devastating to a female as a male but we need to recognize that some woman will not be “naturals” just like most men. In the same way that many otherwise fine men lose out, many fine women are overlooked in an environment based on aggression and glib charm.

So to all you nerd girls: I feel your pain.

She looks cute enough and is probably confident enough that the song is not autobiographical but Taylor Swift sings the nerd girl anthem.

About these ads

91 Responses to “Nerd Girls”

  1. Bhetti Says:

    I could or could’ve been considered a nerd girl.

    In any case: when I do genuinely like a male, I find myself starting to project that sort of inviting behaviour you’re talking about. With a naturalness.

    That Taylor Swift song didn’t seem something I could relate to and I wonder if nerd girls could. Non-threatening fellow nerd you can talk to about what you’re mutually interested in or crush on a teacher is more typical: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvfb8GcKAWs

  2. Bhetti Says:

    Also, thank you for your blog. You’re so careful and thorough with what you say. It makes me feel better about life somehow.

    Not being very articulate at the moment, but I hope you understood what I was trying to say.

  3. Rebekah Says:

    While not a nerd, but definitely an introvert, I can relate to feeling less noticed in some situations than women who wear their sexuality on their sleeve.

    Depending on how sexually blatant you mean, I think men who prefer overly-sexualized women are not the men I would want to spend time with anyway, so I recover quickly. But, I agree that some women are better at being sexy in an understated way, which is a admirable skill, and probably results in more dating opportunities.

  4. Default User Says:

    @Bhetti
    The video that you linked is blocked here. Who or what was it? Maybe I can find it another way.

    The Taylor Swift song (which could just as easily be written for a male) seemed to be about nice girl who was passed over in favor of a more obvious alternative. The boyfriend in the video looked a bit of nerd himself. So much for nerd solidarity.

    Were you never have been attracted to someone that did not notice you or did not return the feeling?

    In any case: when I do genuinely like a male, I find myself starting to project that sort of inviting behaviour you’re talking about. With a naturalness.

    Well you do write for GirlGame.

    If you can the charm on and off that is even better. The game is always on, so you have to be careful that you do not miss that guy (and fail to turn on the charm in time) or he might miss you.

  5. Default User Says:

    @Bhetti

    . . . It makes me feel better about life somehow.
    . . . but I hope you understood what I was trying to say.

    I think I do. Thank you.

    I hope it does the same for some non-alpha guys as well. That is at least part of the reason I write some of the stuff I do.

  6. jmkaye Says:

    It is axiomatic in the PUAsphere that girls can get laid or find a mate easily.

    That is SUCH a myth, it always annoys me to hear it. I mean yeah, it would be easy if getting laid were a simple matter of walking into a bar and going “Hey, anybody wanna fuck?” because that’s what men think they’d do if they were women. The problem is, as the denizens of the PUA sphere are so fond of pointing out, men and women ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY, so if they were women, they wouldn’t do that.

    First of all, there has to be some kind of sexual attraction. I’m not talking ZOMG WANNA RIPPIZ CLOZOFF EATIM ALIVE attraction, just the basic “yeah, I’d do him” will suffice. Out of those, you need to eliminate the ones that are gay or already taken, which shrinks the pool considerably. Then there’s the very real possibility that the guy you’re into just isn’t into you, which shrinks the pool even more.

    If, against those odds, you do manage to get the attention of a dude you’re attracted to, and he seems reciprocal, there is still the issue of trust. Even if you’re not the type to need a committed relationship before engaging in sex, you still need to be reasonably certain that you won’t end up dead and stuffed into a freezer. At the very least, you want to be pretty sure he isn’t going to fuck you and then say horrible things about you on a blog the very next day. And even all the while that you’re screening him for a scary vibe, there’s always the risk that you’re going to end up scaring him.

    So, as much as I hate to contradict Dr. Hook, the fact is, girls can’t get it any time we like. Note that the definition of “it” depends a lot on whether you’re male or female.

  7. Default User Says:

    @Rebekah
    I wanted a simple word and “nerd” was the best I could come up with. I am referring to any combination of introversion, reserve, cerebral or academic manner, thoughtfulness, etc. The word “dork” was wrong because I was not just thinking about awkward people. The word “geek” was wrong because I was not just thinking about technical or narrow focus types. On the other hand, “introversion” did not quite cover it as it is about more than the quantity of socializing. After all that nerdy introspection, “nerd” was the word I chose.

    The quality I am talking about does not have to be blatant. Indeed, subtle is far better. Just as some men project confidence and dominance without specific action, some women project friendliness and a certain sensuality. For both it can be subtle but is something the other sex will pick up on.

    Before approaching, a man needs some idea of her receptiveness (not just to him but to anyone). In the same way a reserved man may fail to ignite a woman’s interest, a reserved woman may appear unreceptive even if she would be open to an approach.
    [This is not about obvious sexy come-hither looks; it is more the I am open to an introduction look.]

  8. Bhetti Says:

    The video is called Don’t Stand So Close to Me.

    Default, I do my best to act naturally but I have limitations on myself that I have to adhere to. Usually I don’t want to be paired off with anyone or give them the wrong idea so I try and repress my natural instinct to be inviting and complimentary when I admire a man. Sometimes I fail and that gets me into trouble.

    I have experienced what you and Rebekah mention, which is being passed over in terms of attention in favour of an oversexualised female. Despite being human and resenting that, I think its entirely appropriate by a male in that scenario. I’m not ready to offer what she offers and he obviously does not want anything else, so I shouldn’t advertise falsely and practically, we’d make each other terribly unhappy. Sometimes it can become about the competition between you and her, rather than desire for the man in question.

  9. Default User Says:

    @jmkaye
    What the “myth” really means is that the players and playettes can easily find each other.

    So a woman that wants a quick sexual liaison can find it in a way that a man cannot. That is the playette can head out, advertise her wares and find a buyer. The player has to work, and might still go home empty handed.

    All of that said, I agree with the problems you described. Theory and practice do not always neatly coincide.

    …much as I hate to contradict Dr. Hook

    You mean you don’t believe that a man who is in love with a beautiful woman ought to watch his friends?

  10. Default User Says:

    @Bhetti

    The video is called Don’t Stand So Close to Me

    I wonder if that song was an autobiographical nugget from former teacher Sting?

    Should I ask why that has more relevance to you? Were you hot for teacher? Or is it just the attitude you need to take to prevent unwanted advances?
    [If you were hot for teacher, I imagine you would have linked the Van Halen song.]

    Usually I don’t want to be paired off with anyone or give them the wrong idea so I try and repress my natural instinct to be inviting and complimentary when I admire a man. Sometimes I fail and that gets me into trouble.

    I understand. Mixed signals, crossed lines, he said/she said; this stuff can be confusing. Sending out “false” invites is probably something most men do not need to worry about too much (it can happen, just less of a problem)

  11. Rebekah Says:

    I wanted a simple word and “nerd” was the best I could come up with.

    I see.

    The quality I am talking about does not have to be blatant. Indeed, subtle is far better. Just as some men project confidence and dominance without specific action, some women project friendliness and a certain sensuality. For both it can be subtle but is something the other sex will pick up on.

    As may have been pointed out, some girls don’t have difficulty producing subtle hints (in spite of being friendly), but may not do so unless the man they’re interested in approaches them first. So, if a girl is interested in a “nerd” guy and he hesitates to approach, then nothing will happen. :( So, yes, I guess they’re both in trouble as far as love goes.

    However, this video was in the sidebar of the Taylor Swift song you linked. Sneaking suspicion that these ladies have NO problem expressing themselves!

  12. jmkaye Says:

    I see what you mean then. I’ve never been anything remotely resembling a playette, but even then I can imagine situations where a playette might go home empty handed, if for whatever reason the guys she’s meeting on a given night just aren’t ringing her bells. And the bells must be rung. It is essential that the tingles occur, or nothing’s going to happen.

    Unless she’s a total skank who will settle for anything with a penis, in which case she really thinks more like a man, and is therefore not representative of the female population in general.

    The thing is, people don’t say “Playettes get laid more easily than players” or “Skanks get laid more easily than studs.” They say “Women get laid more easily than men,” and I’m saying that for the average woman, that just isn’t true. Because the average woman has needs that are quite different from those of the average man, and people don’t take that into consideration.

    (And this is coming from someone who has very few needs.)

  13. Default User Says:

    @Rebekah

    but may not do so unless the man they’re interested in approaches them first. So, if a girl is interested in a “nerd” guy and he hesitates to approach, then nothing will happen.

    And that is precisely why life sucks so much more for nerd guy. They are more likely to hesitate or mess up their approach.

    Part of the problem is that you can be noticed before you notice. Before he notices her, a woman may have noticed him and taken note of a man’s demeanor. If his approach exudes a confidence she has not seen before, she will be rightly suspicious. Likewise, a man may notice a woman has become a bit more flirty towards him, but this will be set against his previous observations. In more “closed” environments (work, smaller social groups, etc.) there is a risk for a man misreading signals and failing. Anything that increases his doubts decreases his chances of approaching.

    In terms of attractions, we can be noticed as much for our interactions with others as between the two people. Just as a woman may become attracted to a man by watching his interaction with others (not her), a man may become attracted to woman from watching her interactions with others.

  14. Default User Says:

    @jmkaye
    It is female pickiness not difficulty attracting a mate that cause the problems for her. Like a Lexus dealership, women have a 75-point checklist (unlike the dealership, nobody must know what they are) men must meet. Men have a simple 3-point checklist: is she cute, is she friendly, is she interested.
    [I am talking initial attraction here]

    For a given level of pickiness, a woman will have an easier time. It just happens that women tend to be more choosey and risk adverse (for good reasons). So suffer a similar problem (unmet needs) but for different reasons. Men face lots of rejection; women need to issue lots of rejections. Those two actions are very different and feel very different.

    The myth normally surfaces in response to the “double standard” charge. In this case, I think it is valid to point out that it is far less of an achievement for a woman to have many partners than a man. To rack up the partners a man needs confidence, charm and swagger; a woman just needs low impulse control.

    In a letter-of-the-law manner the myth is true. In a spirit-of-the-law manner it is less true, but still not false.

  15. Tupac Chopra Says:

    Bhetti, you might not be quite half-my-age, but please don’t stand so close to me.

    I still haven’t seen what you look like.

  16. jmkaye Says:

    @Default:
    It is female pickiness not difficulty attracting a mate that cause the problems for her. Like a Lexus dealership, women have a 75-point checklist (unlike the dealership, nobody must know what they are) men must meet. Men have a simple 3-point checklist: is she cute, is she friendly, is she interested.
    [I am talking initial attraction here]

    I was talking initial attraction too. A woman don’t whip out the 75-point checklist until it’s time to decide whether or not she wants a relationship with the guy in question. Some women need a relationship before they’ll have sex, some don’t. For those who don’t, (*raises hand*) the chekclist is just as simple as a man’s: does he turn her on, does he make her feel safe, is he interested.

    Men face lots of rejection; women need to issue lots of rejections. Those two actions are very different and feel very different.

    Absolutely, and this was why I started approaching approaching men instead of waitng to be approached. I’d much rather be rejected than have to reject someone, the former may be an ego blow, but the latter just makes me feel like scum. I’m all sensitive like that :)

    To rack up the partners a man needs confidence, charm and swagger; a woman just needs low impulse control..

    The problem here is that we are still defining the mating ritual striclty from a male perspective, without taking into account that women just work differently. If a man gets desperate enough, he’ll settle for anything with a warm wet hole, no matter how repulsive the rest of her is. If women were capable of operating in the same way, vibrator manufacturers would go out of business because women would just go out and grab anything with a dick. The resaon that doesn’t happen is because the most important thing a women needs is to be turned on by a man. A good imagination and a sex toy are preferable to a guy who just isn’t making her gina tingle. If men were wired the same way as women, we’d be seeing a LOT more sex toys marketed to men, believe me.

    Anyway, I think we may be talking at cross purposes here, but that just goes to show how complicated and difficult it is to understand sex from different gender perspectives.

  17. Default User Says:

    @Tupac Chopra

    Bhetti. . . I still haven’t seen what you look like

    The mystery of Bhetti’s actual appearance is almost the same as the mystery of whether lovelysexybeauty lives up to billing.

  18. Rebekah Says:

    Then maybe it’s better that the reserved guy does not approach the reserved girl and that she is not as receptive as the other girls, as the relationship would probably not be a successful one.

    Perhaps the other girls don’t mind taking the lead a bit, which works out for the reserved guy. Reserved girls may prefer to be led throughout the relationship, and since this requires someone with a bit more confidence, the nerd guy would not be suitable for her.

    Since they both seem to need reassurance, I think they would have problems beyond getting together for that first date! So maybe it’s just nature dictating who gets together with whom. But, there are lots of sensing extraverts in the world, apparently, so all is not lost!

  19. Linkage is Good for You: Snowed In Edition | In Mala Fide Says:

    [...] Default User – “Nerd Girls” [...]

  20. anoukange Says:

    Girls can get laid easily, but why bother if it’s not quality sexual connection? It pays to be picky and of course, clearly, it doesn’t pay to go slummin. Finding a mate is a much more complicated mission is one is looking. The key is to not be looking.

    Rebekeh—DC guys would love you. Subtle sexiness from an introvert is their wet dream, sorry for the expression but tis true. :) Unfortunately, they all are a tad too careerist-minded to be bothered with true romance. The nerdy males here have large egos due to their education and correlated (for the most part) intelligence. The poly-sci crowd is full of cocky, “accomplished” gents.

  21. Default User Says:

    @jmkaye

    does he turn her on, does he make her feel safe, is he interested.

    The “does he turn her on” is more elusively complex for a woman than a man. The checklist is not explicit, but it does exist. The list may not even be clear to the woman.

    The problem here is that we are still defining the mating ritual striclty from a male perspective, without taking into account that women just work differently.

    Hey, I can’t help it; I am a male.

    Because the male is the expected initiator the mating ritual will, to some degree, always be defined from a male perspective. Obviously, nothing happens without the female’s acceptance but nothing will get started without the male’s initiation.

    The main difference I see is that a good-looking man could still be repulsive to a woman in a way that a good-looking woman (even with a poor personality) would never be repulsive to a man.

    I’d much rather be rejected than have to reject someone, the former may be an ego blow, but the latter just makes me feel like scum. I’m all sensitive like that.

    While some women to seem to take glee in dismissive rejections, I think do not appreciate how hard it can be to give a graceful rejection. I think we forget that rejection can be as hard to issue as receive (this is because most men face rejection but rarely have to offer it).

    Anyway, I think we may be talking at cross purposes here, but that just goes to show how complicated and difficult it is to understand sex from different gender perspectives.

    I agree it can be different to fully understand the other perspective on something so personal. I hope we are not talking at cross purposes though.

  22. Default User Says:

    @Rebekah
    Hmmm! I think you are saying that nerd guys are out of luck. Sigh. :/

    While it may be harder for them to get together, I believe that two introverts can form a viable relationship. Once they have broken through their own and the others reserve, it is perfectly possible for them to find passion and connection.

    But, there are lots of sensing extraverts in the world, apparently, so all is not lost!

    All is not lost for the Sensing Extraverts, but who cares about them. The have, and will always do fine. I care about the forgotten others. [Aaaahh!]

  23. Default User Says:

    @Rebekah, jmkaye
    If I have read you both correctly, it seems you disagree that nerd girls necessarily have a harder time. Is that correct?

    Can we both agree that nerd boys will have a harder time?

  24. Default User Says:

    @anoukange

    DC guys would love you. Subtle sexiness from an introvert is their wet dream,

    Does the same work for males? Is “subtle sexiness from an introvert” something women (DC or otherwise) like? I suspect there might be a market for that but it is less certain than cocky/confident/dominant.

    The key is to not be looking.

    Ahh yes! Aloof alpha indifference. A is for anouk and A is for alpha chick. :/

    sorry for the expression but tis true.

    No apologies needed. A light bit of smut can brighten a morning.

  25. jmkaye Says:

    If I have read you both correctly, it seems you disagree that nerd girls necessarily have a harder time. Is that correct?

    Can we both agree that nerd boys will have a harder time?

    Let me put it this way: As a nerd girl, I suffered from the female version of “Nice Guy Syndrome.” In high school and college, boys loved talking to me about Star Trek and Tolkien and heavy metal, because most girls weren’t into that stuff. But I wasn’t the one being asked out on dates, and of course I was the one they came to for commiseration when they got rejected by the hot bitches.

    Eventually, I figured out that the only way I would ever get dates would be to 1. Start looking outside my social circles, and 2. Take the initiative.
    Nowadays I wonder what would have happened if I had started showing initiative without going outside my social cirlce, but at the time, the risk seemed too great. I ddin’t want to ruin good friendships, so I took the safe route, and ultimately ended up in relationships with guys I had nothing in common with. 20/20 hindsight and all that.

  26. jmkaye Says:

    The “does he turn her on” is more elusively complex for a woman than a man. The checklist is not explicit, but it does exist. The list may not even be clear to the woman.

    I see it as being less of a checklist, and more of a complex, subtle mathematical equation that gets calculated so quickly that the woman doesn’t even know it’s going on in her head. All the various factors in different proportions mixed up in a certain formula, with some elements augmenting some elements and cancelling out others, until arriving at the final result of: Turned On, or Not Turned On.

    This has been a very interesting discussion. Would you mind if I wrote a post about it?

  27. Default User Says:

    @jmkaye

    I see it as being less of a checklist, and more of a complex, subtle mathematical equation that gets calculated so quickly that the woman doesn’t even know it’s going on in her head.

    I did understand that but used the checklist as a metaphor. That is part of the frustrations for a man; he understands it is easy to fail, he does not understand how.

    I would also like to be clear that I do not begrudge women their choices. If those choices do not always benefit me that is just how life is.

    Would you mind if I wrote a post about it?

    Of course not.

  28. Default User Says:

    @jmkaye

    I wonder what would have happened if I had started showing initiative without going outside my social cirlce, but at the time, the risk seemed too great.

    And that is a valid concern. It is the same problem with any small or “closed” group (e.g., at work).

    I am glad to see you got over your nice-guyrl situation.

    Regarding shoulder-criers:
    You know the line: “shouldn’t you be talking to your girlguy friends about that?”

  29. Daniel Says:

    There are big differences in types in LTRs as well as the intitial attraction. One big difference I think is between P-type women and J-type women.

    Under stress the P-woman especially the FP will usually look inside herself and wonder if she could have done something differently or reacted differently and is likely to feel inadequate. She will need a lot of comforting and reassurance.

    The J-woman will look outside and is more likely to blame someone else very likely including YOU if you are her partner. She will need someone who can stay calm under what feels like attacks and insults.

    With a P you need to be able to deal with tears, with a J it’s more important to be able to deal with anger.

  30. Rebekah Says:

    Rebekeh—DC guys would love you. [And] the poly-sci crowd is full of cocky, “accomplished” gents.

    Thank you, anouk! Gents. Sounds fabulous. :)

  31. Matt Savage Says:

    Though you make some valid points regarding the “nerd” girls and their introverted type nature, I think one could also say that the shy reserved manner that some girls exhibit is ALSO sexy in it’s own way. In fact, I often find myself attracted to these types of girls simply because of their “nerdiness.” I can’t pin point why this is attractive for me, but I feel like it’s akin to the sexy librarian thing, where the concept of sexual corruption might come into play, i.e. taking a reserved good girl and turning her into a sexual dynamo.

  32. Default User Says:

    @Matt Savage

    the sexy librarian thing

    I agree on the “sexy librarian thing.” Mmmmm!
    [Actually, I imagine that is a popular male fantasy]

    I think shyness and introversion can work for a woman in a way in can never work for a man. However, there are women for whom it poses the same (or similar) problem that is does for males.

    The post was just a way of acknowledging that not every girl has it easy in the dating market. For all the disappointments that men suffer we should not forget that there are women that have a difficult time as well.

  33. Default User Says:

    @Daniel
    If you go to http://www.personalitypathways.com/faces.html and scroll down to the table called Hierarchy or Order of Preference, I expect that those who have “Fi” in first or second place might be the look inward type. Those who have “Fe” might be the look outward types. For thinking types, you need to look at the third and fourth preference.

    For Feeling Types (1 or 2)
    Examples of inward looking would be INFP and ISFP.
    Examples of outward looking would be ENFJ and ESFJ.

    For Thinking types (3 or 4)
    Examples of inward looking would be ISTJ and ENTJ.
    Examples of outward looking would be ENTP and ISTP.

    I did not check every type.

  34. sdaedalus Says:

    Default User wrote

    I agree on the “sexy librarian thing.” Mmmmm!
    [Actually, I imagine that is a popular male fantasy]

    Not to keep going on like a broken record, but by coincidence Poetry of Flesh mentioned in a response to a commenter on her blog this week that her look is very sexy librarian. Actually she used the term curvy rather than sexy but I think it comes down to more or less the same thing. Although curvy is sometimes used as a euphenism for fat (a pet peeve of mine) there is photographic evidence that this is not the case in relation to Poetry of Flesh.

  35. Default User Says:

    LOL

    You are determined to get Poetry and I together, aren’t you?

    PS
    I will update the PUAsphere thread with your new blog (INTP according to the musings of Typealyzer).

  36. SDaedalus Says:

    You are determined to get Poetry and I together, aren’t you?

    Not really. I just thought there was a certain serendipity about the librarian references.

    I will update the PUAsphere thread with your new blog (INTP according to the musings of Typealyzer)

    Thank you. That is very kind of you.

    It is interesting about the INTP. I may have been more of an INTP in my younger years. Possibly this is my default mechanism (no pun intended) and in putting up my first blog post I reverted to type.

    However I think another reason may be a conscious desire not to allow emotion to override logic when talking about such a polarised issue as male-female interaction.

    Either way, hopefully as people get to know me I can chill out a little. It will be interesting to see whether nor not the Typealyzer result changes with additional posts (assuming of course there are additional posts, which may or may not be the case).

  37. anoukange Says:

    DU @ SD said-

    “LOL

    You are determined to get Poetry and I together, aren’t you?”

    @ DU –I don’t know Poetry very well, will go have a look see, but you two do seem like a nice match. ;)

  38. Hope Says:

    The INFJ in me says: not a chance for default and poetry. If you peruse their respective blogs, you’d see that she goes for a radically “bad boy” intellectual kind of guy who is also very sexual.

    Sorry for the disappointment.

    Oh, and the J type is just as likely to blame him or herself for failings. My fiance and I are both INFJ, and we never attack each other or blame the other person for shortcomings. I doubt the other-blame tendency is linked to the P and J traits.

  39. sdaedalus Says:

    The INFJ in me says: not a chance for default and poetry. If you peruse their respective blogs, you’d see that she goes for a radically “bad boy” intellectual kind of guy who is also very sexual

    Yes, I know. I wasn’t thinking of a long-term relationship here, but I think a short term hook-up would be good for both of them. From her blog, Poetry sometimes goes for a more gentle type of guy, although her default mechanism (sorry, Default, for the accidental pun) is very well summarised by you above.

    But I may be flogging a dead horse here as we have not had any response from Poetry. Perhaps a nice guy like Default would not fit in with the theme of her blog.

    Poetry and Default are both very good writers, albeit in widely differing ways. I would kill to see a Default post in the Poetry style and a Poetry post in the Default style.

  40. Default User Says:

    @anoukange

    I don’t know Poetry very well, will go have a look see, but you two do seem like a nice match

    Really? Or is that just your inner artist trying to create a bright canvas full of drama and color?

  41. Default User Says:

    @Hope

    . . .also very sexual

    Ok will go with not a “bad boy,” I can hardly pretend otherwise. I will accept that I am not “intellectual,” I enjoy ideas and all but am probaly not truly an intellectual.

    But the implication that I might not be sexual is very hurtful. If I were a “bad boy” I would . . . do something bad. If I were an intellectual, I would dump some multi-syllable words on you. Instead, I will just sputter in indignation. Hmmmpphhh!

  42. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    I may be flogging a dead horse here

    Well Poetry might enjoy that. But me, I am a petting zoo kind of guy. :/

    as we have not had any response from Poetry

    I would be surprised if she hangs around in these parts. I will have to read more of her blog to see if I can copy her style. I expect it might be difficult for me. I might try though.

    I agree that sometimes the very different (out of our natural habitat) can be exciting and rewarding.

    BTW:
    If you can, would you describe my style? It is always difficult to know how others perceive you. I have an idea of how I might seem but that is biased by my own perceptions of self.

  43. Default User Says:

    @Hope

    Oh, and the J type is just as likely to blame him or herself for failings. My fiance and I are both INFJ, and we never attack each other or blame the other person for shortcomings. I doubt the other-blame tendency is linked to the P and J traits.

    I agree. At least not on its own. I suspect if such a trait can be linked to type, it is linked to the Thinking or Feeling preference and whether the are introverted or extraverted.

    However, I am wary of relating everything to M-B type. Sometimes people just are because they just are.

  44. sdaedalus Says:

    If you can, would you describe my style? It is always difficult to know how others perceive you. I have an idea of how I might seem but that is biased by my own perceptions of self

    You have a good writing style, very clear, concise & courteous with a note of ironic detachment. I would describe it as a gentlemanly writing style. If I were to pick a literary character who might share this style, I would be thinking in terms of Lord Orville in Evelina, possibly Mr Knightley in Emma.

    Poetry of Flesh is without a shadow of a doubt Bertha Rochester in Wide Sargasso Sea. I suspect that she may be looking for Richardson’s Lovelace rather than Mr Knightley. If so, she will certainly find her match in Roissy, who plays Lovelace down to a T, even to the very observations of this character on women. Although I think he may be mellowing slightly.

    Mr Knightley/Lord Orville & Lovelace were all sexy in their own way, although I think perhaps the former two characters (neither of whom were either boring or betas) would be better choices for long term happiness.

  45. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus
    A student of literature? I will have to look up those people. I am probably shocking you with my ignorance here.

    You have a good writing style, very clear, concise & courteous with a note of ironic detachment. I would describe it as a gentlemanly writing style.

    I cannot complain with that.

    I don’t want to be too ironically detached but I guess it is true. I am never really happy with anything I write but I suppose that goes with my personality type.

    Thanks! It is interesting to hear what people think and how they see me.

  46. Rebekah Says:

    I’m sorry, is there a discussion of Jane Austen characters taking place??!

  47. sdaedalus Says:

    Default asked me to describe him as he appears from his writing style. For some reason, he reminds me of one of the nicer Jane Austen heros, not too starchy (Edmund Bertram) & not too unapproachable (Mr Darcy) or too wild (Henry Crawford).

  48. sdaedalus Says:

    Rebekah, do you feel any affinity with Catherine Morland (Northanger Abbey)? Or are you more of a Marianne Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility)?

  49. Rebekah Says:

    sdaedalus,

    Of Marianne or Catherine, I would definitely say Marianne — especially on her ideas of love. However, I’m a bit more guarded. I also relate a bit to Elizabeth Bennet, but that may be wishful thinking on my part.

    How about you?

    All of Jane Austen’s characters are appealing — even those other than the main characters. For example, I find Colonel Brandon very endearing. But, I have to say, Mr. Darcy is my favorite.

  50. sdaedalus Says:

    Rebekah

    Although I would like to resemble Elizabeth Bennet, I lack her cool head, and I would find it difficult to live with Mr Darcy’s chilly manner on a permanent basis. I feel he may also have been a bit of a cold fish in the sack. You may well be an Elizabeth, you clearly go for the tall dark and moody characters (I read your Morrissey post). Wasn’t Col. Brandon a bit old for Marianne? The guys round here would approve though of the age difference.

  51. sdaedalus Says:

    Rebekah

    You find Mr Collins appealing?

  52. Rebekah Says:

    sdaedalus,

    I don’t feel Mr. Darcy is a cold fish, I just think he is disillusioned with his society and not able to express his true feelings in an articulate way to Elizabeth. But maybe I’m making excuses for him b/c he is appealing to me, which is very much something Marianne would do.

    Mr. Collins! He is presumptuous and silly and I do not find him appealing based on these things. Is there something I’ve overlooked about him?

  53. Rebekah Says:

    …silly as in ridiculous, not silly as in funny/goofy.

  54. sdaedalus Says:

    Mr. Collins! He is presumptuous and silly and I do not find him appealing based on these things. Is there something I’ve overlooked about him?

    No, you mentioned all Jane Austen’s characters were appealing and I figured you must have forgotten to exclude Mr Collins. From your post above, it looks like I was right.

    Mr Darcy has a lot of admirers. He is an admirable character but rather stony. I think he will manage very well without my adoration.

  55. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    he reminds me of one of the nicer Jane Austen heros, not too starchy (Edmund Bertram) & not too unapproachable (Mr Darcy) or too wild (Henry Crawford).

    I do not want to interrupt your conversation with Rebekah so I will just say that sounds a reasonable approximation. I hope I am not too starchy (although some might see me that way), I try not to be unapproachable (a hint of reserved nature, maybe), I could probably be a bit wilder though (I know you girls love a “bad boy”).

    Anyway, back to Jane Austen.

  56. sdaedalus Says:

    As discussed on another blog I have a terribly soft spot for Mr Rochester.

  57. sdaedalus Says:

    I could probably be a bit wilder though (I know you girls love a “bad boy”)

    You are gradually growing cheekier under our influence anyway.

  58. sdaedalus Says:

    George Clooney as Rochester in Jane Eyre would be my idea of heaven. It’s a shame he doesn’t do period drama as he would look great in a nightshirt.

  59. Rebekah Says:

    Mr. Collins is an appealing character in that he evokes a certain amount of sympathy from the reader in a way. I feel bad that he does not seem to know how he is being perceived by others. Colonel Brandon is appealing in that he is endearing and gentle. Both are interesting characters, just in different ways.

  60. Rebekah Says:

    The Brontes! Equally as wonderful! You should have Clooney as Rochester, and I should have Morrissey as Mr. Darcy At least there are a few pics here and there of M in frilly shirts. :)

  61. sdaedalus Says:

    Yes, I think an adaptation of Jane Eyre is what George needs to finally pull that Oscar out of the bag. Obviously it would have to be a no hands barred adaptation and the nightshirt would have to come off at some point. George needs to play to his strengths.

    Morrissey would certainly have no problem with Darcy’s agonised expression.

  62. sdaedalus Says:

    Mr. Collins is an appealing character in that he evokes a certain amount of sympathy from the reader in a way. I feel bad that he does not seem to know how he is being perceived by others.

    Yes, but would you marry him?

  63. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    You are gradually growing cheekier under our influence anyway.

    So I guess that means that I am an alpha up not a beta down project.

  64. Rebekah Says:

    It’s my mistake. I’ve been using “appealing” in two different contexts: Sexually desirable, and developed, interesting/supportive as a character in Austen’s book.

    Yes, I find Darcy to be sexually appealing and clever. No, I do not find Mr. Collins to be sexually appealing, but an appealing character in the book.

  65. sdaedalus Says:

    Yes, as I just mentioned to a friend of yours on my blog we may be creating a monster. I’m just waiting for the pump and dump.

  66. sdaedalus Says:

    No, I do not find Mr. Collins to be sexually appealing

    That’s a relief. Although they say there’s somebody for everyone, you seem a bit out of Mr Collins’ league. Of course, if he only learnt Game, the world would be his oyster. Think of the benefits he could extract from Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

  67. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    . . .we may be creating a monster. I’m just waiting for the pump and dump.

    Hey babe! We need to have the pump before we can have the dump.

  68. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus
    I apologize for the previous comment. I think my account was hacked by Default Hyde.

  69. sdaedalus Says:

    Hey babe! We need to have the pump before we can have the dump.

    You see? We’ve turned you into Racer X already.

  70. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    We’ve turned you into Racer X already.

    Well you seem like a woman that can appreciate a good lick of prose.

  71. sdaedalus Says:

    Well you seem like a woman that can appreciate a good lick of prose

    You’re definitely on a roll tonight.

  72. sdaedalus Says:

    Or should I say on for a roll tonight…

  73. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    You’re definitely on a roll tonight.
    . . .
    Or should I say on for a roll tonight…

    Either could be correct.

  74. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus, Rebekah
    And seriously, I did not want to break up your discussion with Rebekah on Austen, Eyre, the Brontes, et al. It is interesting (even if I do not know the characters – I can look it up I suppose).

  75. Rebekah Says:

    sdaedalus,

    Think of the benefits he could extract from Lady Catherine de Bourgh.sdaedalus.

    He does seem to be quite taken with her… And we always assumed it was for her station and money.

    Default ~ You should read one of the books and then give a male input. I still look up the characters just to make sure I have them all straight in my head. There are so many rich characters in Austen’s books, and some of them start to feel similar like Willoughby in Sense and Sensibility and Wickham in Pride and Prejudice.

  76. sdaedalus Says:

    Default

    I think we’d come to the end of our comparisons. I’d have to read a few more blogs in the Roissysphere before I could draw any further comparisons between bloggers & Jane Austen characters. There’s something about Tupac Chopra that reminds me of Mr Bingley, though, maybe the fact that he’s a single man in possession of a good fortune and in want of a wife.

  77. Default User Says:

    @Rebekah, sdaedalus
    Any advice on a book to read. I have seen one of the celluloid Austen’s (Pride and Prejudice, I think.)

    The fact that I am uncertain of the title and can remember few details should not lead you to believe I did not enjoy it. I remember the obvious tension between the dashing-and-dangerous versus the suitable-but-dull. I probably would enjoy the book and (as you can see from my ignorance) could do with exploring classic literature.
    [My version of "classic literature" is the Sherlock Holmes stories.]

  78. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    I think we’d come to the end of our comparisons.

    I was enjoying it. Kind of different to discussions of dating, nerds and pickup. even if the books cover such things in their own way.

  79. sdaedalus Says:

    I swear that there is nothing to beat Jane Eyre for applied Game in literature. Mr Rochester is quite something.

    You would enjoy reading Jane Eyre, Default. Jane is a nerd girl par excellence. You could then use the material gathered to update Nerd Girl Dating.

    And then of course you are in (ahem) librarian mode. The governess was the librarian of the 19th century. And had the advantage of being in-house, so to speak.

  80. sdaedalus Says:

    Also, Rochesterising yourself might give you a better chance with Poetry of Flesh.

  81. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    Also, Rochesterising yourself might give you a better chance with Poetry of Flesh.

    Rochester is labled as a Byronic Hero. According to the Wikipedia I have a lot of work to do. Perhaps I should try one of the other hero types.

    A good catch though, as I reckon that Poetry looks for Byronic types.

  82. Default User Says:

    @sdaedalus

    And then of course you are in (ahem) librarian mode. The governess was the librarian of the 19th century. And had the advantage of being in-house, so to speak.

    :)
    Thanks. That made me smile.

  83. sdaedalus Says:

    Rochester is labled as a Byronic Hero. According to the Wikipedia I have a lot of work to do. Perhaps I should try one of the other hero types.

    I’m not so sure. Rochester did a good job of playing the Byronic hero, but was never sufficiently selfish to fit completely into the role.

  84. MW Says:

    Default,

    You’ve got a nice, pithy blog. I came here from Anouk’s place after seeing you many comments there. I wish I’d paid nerdy girls more attention when i was younger. Looking back some of them were prolly even interested in me, but I was too much of a doofus to notice. After talking to some over the years, I realised their nerdy bookishness was actually very sexy. Not only that, some of the Chinese nerdy types are also incredibly cute. Unfortunetely, some were so much smarter than I was, so I became intimidated and moved on. I never could get into Austen, too sappy for my blue collar male upbringing.

  85. Default User Says:

    @MW
    Thanks.

    I think nerdy girls can be attractive, and often overlooked (like nerdy men). That was my reason for posting this. It is easy to be caught up in the “world hates, nerdy, introvert, beta guys” discussions and forget that there is a similar (perhaps smaller) group of women facing similar problems.

    My experience with Asian women is that they were completely unlike the stereotype. They were more materialistic and less demure then many white women. They were no more petite and just as dominance seeking as white women. Indeed, the only date that I have ever walked out on was with an Asian. Perhaps I was just unlucky.

    I have not any read any Jane Austen. However, I will probably read Charlotte Bronte’s “Jane Eyre” just so I can better understand the analysis by SDaedalus.

    I have read a few of the pulp romance (50 cents at the local secondhand book store). I think one was The Wilde Side based on the name of heroine’s love interest.

  86. Bhetti Says:

    Default. I do agree he can be occasionally a Mr Knightley. Especially when he is gently criticising the unseemly behaviour of a young miss such as I.

    However, for some reason, I see Default more as a Mr Wentworth. But that is not quite right either.


    I declare Tupac a Wickham.

    *runs further away from Tupac*

    *checks her veils are in place*

    I shall maintain my mystery with fundamentalist zealotry.

  87. Default User Says:

    @Bhetti
    I will have to look up Knightley and Wentworth. I hope the character portrait they paind is not too damning. If they have at least some alpha, or desirable characteristics then I will be happy.

  88. Bhetti Says:

    Well, Knightley scored a 20 year old high status female at 38 or so.

  89. Default User Says:

    @Bhetti

    Well, Knightley scored a 20 year old high status female at 38 or so.

    So there is hope for me.

    Yay! \m/

  90. Default User Says:

    So there is hope for me.

    My earlier reply (quoted above), of course, does not relate to the poster known as Hope who I understand is for another. :/

  91. Bhetti Says:

    So there is hope for me.
    Mandy is very interested, I agree.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: