Dating Graphs II

by

More of the dating and attraction world explained in neat graphs.

Women are like options, men are like a savings account.

A common meme in the PUA sphere is the idea of a sexual market value (SMV). A person’s SMV defines how easily they can find a partner and how hot that partner will be.

The trajectory of SMV is very different between men and women. A Woman’s peak SMV is in her early twenties. A man’s peak SMV happens around his mid thirties.

A man’s SMV rises with age as he gathers the wealth, status and confidence that he trades in the sexual market place. A woman’s SMV falls with age as she loses the looks that she trades in the sexual market place.

In their twenties women’s SMV is way above that of their same-age cohort of men. They are at the peak of their sexual attractiveness; the men are just callow youths.

As they age, men build confidence and move onwards an upwards in their life. They gain wealth and status, the enter leadership positions, the callow youth becomes a young man. As a result their SMV rises over time.

Sexual Market Value - Men versus Women Over Time

SMV Men versus women. Stylized and exaggerated.

As the chart shows there is a massive gap between the SMV of men and women in their twenties. We could call this Blue-Ball Gulch or Bitter Beta Gap. In their mid thirties things turn around for men. Their rising SMV meets the falling SMV of same-age women. We might call this Cougar Crossing. As they move into their forties men’s SMV, although falling, is now above that of same-age women. We could call that the Bitter Bitches Gap.

For you futures traders here is a nice market neutral play. Short the 20-year-old women and go long the 35-year-old-man. Because this is a hedged position it should carry lower margin requirements.
[Please note that Default User is not an accredited commodity trading advisor and is not authorized to offer investment advice. All information is presented for discussion and entertainment purposes only]

The Mystery Method in One Picture

OK, I have not read The Mystery Method but have seen articles on it. I imagine that he has a chart similar to this one (A1, A2, etc.)

The chart below represents what I think is the natural progression of a romantic relationship. It also shows where a man needs to place his efforts (“intensity”) at each stage of the seduction and relationship (if it goes long-term).

Attraction to Connection to Bonding Over Time

Attraction to bonding over time. Very stylized and exaggerated.

Sexual attraction:
She is hot. Your eyes meet. She gives a smile. You count 1…2…3 and move. You now have to create a favorable impression. You want her to be clear that you are a sexual being, you are not just a potential nice friend. Your early interaction is about generating attraction.

Emotional Connection:
She is now interested. Your total awesomeness has captured her attention. You can now ease off on the sexual attraction and start to create an emotional connection (“comfort”). This will be a time of lots of jokes, light stories and shared laughs.

Intellectual Bonding:
You are hot for each other and getting along well. If you want to move towards a more long-term relationship you will need to start intellectually bonding. This where you see if you share values, hopes, and dreams. This is also a time when differences in education, religion, intelligence, and social class can come to the fore. You have already built a good base (sexual attraction and emotional connection) so this is an important time.

Don’t Get Bored:
The attract spikes are those moments that you “jazz up” the relationship. They are those times when you remind each other why you first go together (sexual attraction). This is what might be called LTR-Game. It is a vital part of keeping your relationship alive and exciting.

Notes:
Some might say your intensity should be 100 percent on all things, all the time. I don’t believe so. To keep at 100 percent all the time is tiring and less comfortable. Being comfortable most of the time is not the problem. The problem is when relationships are comfortable all the time, and that is what those attractions spikes are for (breaking the monotony).

Summary:
So there you have it: the world of romantic relationships in one simple graph. If only all life were so simple…
…If only romantic relationships were so easy.

13 Responses to “Dating Graphs II”

  1. Hope Says:

    For me?

    Step 1. Intellectual conversation
    Step 2. Spiritual connection/emotional connection
    Step 3. More intellectual/emotional/spiritual goodness

    Hours of long conversations, lots of light-hearted joking and serious talk, talking about shared values, dreams and desires. Sexual banter and innuendo, too.

    Last step: Physical and sexual. Totally explosive. Fireworks. No question of attraction by this point.

    In LTR: When sexual attraction wanes, re-engage the intellectual/emotional/spiritual to make it super hot again.

    Yeah, I always do it backwards.

  2. Default User Says:

    @Hope

    Yeah! I did not expect you to agree. I do not expect to change your mind.
    [does this count as light-hearted joking, serious talk, or sexual banter and innuendo?]

  3. Hope Says:

    Your model is a theory that might work for a number of people. But a better model is probably one that starts off high on all three. New relationships thrive on intimate communication, positive feelings and mutual sharing.

    I’ve had that emotional “high” of emotional/intellectual attraction to new female friends, minus the sexual component. Very much a platonic love. These could be more exciting and more happiness-inducing than talking with men.

    When I think back on it, I was also usually vaguely “attracted” to the man I fell for in the beginning. In other words, I was sexually interested, but without steps 1-3 it would not have led to anything. I’ve had passing interest in men, then I would get turned off when I find the incompatibilities in emotional/intellectual ways.

    My love is the same way, and so my current theory is that it’s an introvert trait. The physical is just boring or uncomfortable without the “rich inner life” to accompany it. For extroverts I theorize that it’s the opposite; without the physical and sexual charge they don’t feel enough to want to get to know the person better.

  4. Hope Says:

    Oh I look back fondly on my hours long, late night conversations with Danielle (called her Danie), the girl who first taught me to say “Dude.”

    I should have kept in touch with her. I would have averted many a disaster with men with her wisdom. Then again, her taste in men wasn’t too great either…

  5. Default User Says:

    @Hope
    I agree that the sexual/emotional/bonding lines should probably be closer together at the beginning. However the graph was a stylized form.

    It is more likely that in reality all three are happening together, or at least in very close succession.

  6. Bhetti Says:

    Default: Yes, it depends on setting, expectations, all that. But the most important thing to recognise is that all three must be present.

    And too often it’s just emotional/intellectual that are glorified (inner beauty and so on), at the expense of sexual. But sexual is important too. And I’m glad Hope recognises that.

  7. Hope Says:

    But sexual is important too. And I’m glad Hope recognises that.

    I do give off the mega “I’m a sooper goodie-goodie prude” vibe, don’t I? It’s really kind of funny. I don’t even mean to do it, but it just happens.

    Anyway, ’nuff said.

  8. Default User Says:

    Hope worried that she might:

    …give off the mega “I’m a sooper goodie-goodie prude” vibe…

    No Hope, you give of a more spiritual vibe.

    The vibe of someone for whom sexual enjoyment is linked to a deep connection. Someone for who sex is not just a physical experience but also a spiritual bonding.

    And I am sure your spiritual self can commune in a just as dirty a manner as the most sensate earthling.

    You a goodie-goodie prude? I doubt it.

  9. Bhetti Says:

    Hope: To someone who isn’t reading closely, you might give off the vibe. But everyone knows those New Age-y chicks (fun descriptor for you, I think!!) are all about the trascendental experiences.

    Granted, you don’t seem slutty or into drugs as that stereotype goes.

    But anyway, was just restating what Default was saying.

  10. Hope Says:

    I’m a New Age-y chick? Boy have I come a long way from the depressive staunch atheist!

    Thanks for that, guys. :)

  11. Default User Says:

    @Hope
    Hmm! A (former) “depressive staunch atheist.”

    I am glad you started your journey towards hope. With any luck that is a road where no u-turns are allowed.

  12. Random Thoughts: Milk and Wine « Default User Says:

    [...] graphs, I compared the relative changes in attractiveness between men and women over time in an earlier post. This is another Random Thought in the Random Thoughts series of quickfire posts (more like [...]

  13. El Matador Returns! New York and Golddiggers « The Single Dude's Guide to Life & Travel™ Says:

    [...] while in college. Our value increases over time, as we get older, theirs plummets. This chart from Defalt User’s blog illustrates the point nicely.I love cougars, but you gotta catch them before it's too [...]

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